Kings, Queens, and Corsets
by Fiery Mango
Summary: When Legolas and Aragorn are assigned to protect visiting royalty secrets will be revealed, bonds will be tested, and dresses will be worn.
1. Arrival

Title: Kings, Queens, and Corsets

Rating: T

Genre: Humor/Action/Adventure

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings… There I said it happy… humph

Summary: When a neighboring King and Queen come to Rivendell Aragorn and Legolas are assigned to protect them, but when trouble begins to brew and things become dangerous for the Queen, life is about to become a bit more… feminine… for the two.

Authors Note: This story has no OC romance between any cannon characters. Just thought I'd get that out of the way. Also Aragorn will be known to the elves as Estel, since he's in his Elven home he gets his Elven name.

Aragorn and Legolas walked in silence down the long corridor. Normally, the Elf and Ranger would be talking and laughing about anything and everything, but not today. Today, they were facing their doom. The pair had been assigned to look after 'King' and 'Queen' of Gladden Fields.

Truth be told Gladden Fields wasn't very populated, but its people had wanted Royalty to govern them so Lord Frenit and Lady Githil had been elected to the position of King and Queen and held that very seriously. The couple had come to Rivendell to discuss possible trade and to get a bit of rest and relaxation. For some unknown reason Frenit insisted that he and his wife have individual security from the top warriors of Rivendell. Immediately Aragorn and Legolas had been called, the prince was visiting from Mirkwood and the Ranger was on one of his visits home, and although the two had accepted they were much less then thrilled that their time together would be interrupted. So, as the two had made their way down to where they would meet their charges a comfortable silence had settled that left the two to sulk in peace.

Aragorn finally broke the spell by clearing his throat. "So… who do you think that they will assign us to?"

"I do not know." Legolas replied. "I suppose that they will give us each a different person each… that way they will both receive personal security."

"Oh…" There was a long pause. "You'll get the girl… you always get the girl."

Legolas laughed. "That is because ladies prefer to be with people who bathe regularly." He held is nose high in the air mockingly. "It is no wonder they choose a refined elf over a smelly Ranger."

Aragorn rolled his eyes and laughed but said nothing more as they continued.

Several moments passed before the duo made it to the Entrance Hall where Lord Elrond was already speaking with a man, woman, while several handmaidens and servants bustled around them.

The couple was tall, a blonde man and woman surrounded by dark haired servants. Both had strong features and a hard build. The woman was admittedly smaller than her husband but still seemed to be of strong build with sharp blue eyes and cold features.

Her husband's face was hidden behind a long beard but he seemed to be slightly warmer than his wife.

Lord Elrond turned around to see the two. "Ah and here they are now. This is my 'son' Estel and his friend Legolas Thrandrillion, Prince of Mirkwood." Both gave a sweeping bow which was soon returned. "They will be your guards during your stay. You may choose either you like to accompany you."

"Go on my dear, Githil, you may choose first, love." The man, who was most likely King Frenit encouraged warmly.

Githil looked at the two disapprovingly and began circling them, looking each straight in the eye as if to see who would break first, but neither did. After a long length of time she spoke.

"I will take the elf, Legolas was it?" He nodded and bit back a smile as he heard Aragorn whisper an 'I told you so' under his breath.

"Ah excellent, then I shall get your boy Elrond! Pleasure to meet you my lad, I'm King Frenit but there is no need for formalities you may simply call me Frenit!" He clapped a hand to Aragorn's back. "I really do appreciate what you're doing for my wife and myself. I feel much safer already."

Elrond smiled. "It is no problem. I am glad that I can accommodate your needs. Now, I do not mean to hurry to but we really need to be getting along to the morning's council. I expect that you shall show Queen Githil to her room, Legolas?"

He nodded and extended an arm to her. "This way milady."

She looked at it for a moment before pulling a handkerchief from her bodice and running it over the length of his arm. Then she rested her already gloved hand lightly before walking along with him, trailing hand maidens behind her.

"I hope that you find your accommodations here suitable, my lady." Legolas tried to make conversation.

"Hm. We shall see. I have yet to stay in the home of an elf with comfort." She drawled. Legolas winced inwardly. Why had she chosen him then? What was her purpose if wasn't comfortable with elves?

"Oh? Well I assure you that Lord Elrond will do everything in his power to make your stay relaxing." He offered.

She snorted. "The day an elf helps me relax is the day mordor freezes over."

The elf beside her said nothing to this, biting his tongue until it bled. They continued in silence, Githil turning her head about to get a better look at Rivendell, but mostly her gaze rested on Legolas. Finally, after what seemed like hours to the prince, they arrived at her quarters.

"Here you are, Milady." He smiled his best and opened the door for her expecting her to go in and close it letting him wait outside, but instead she remained attached to his arm, looking him over critically. "Er… Right this way." He led her into the bright room and to the bed as if to give her a seat, however she still would not let go. The hand maidens followed them in and stood on either side of her, and all six of them had their eyes glued to Legolas.

Now, Legolas was usually a very calm elf. He was renown throughout Mirkwood for having a level head in even the most pressing of situations, however now, under the stare of seven silent females he was beginning to become unnerved.

"Is there anything I can fetch for you, Milady?" He cleared his throat nervously.

"No." Githil answered coldly.

"Is there anything at all that you require of me?" She didn't answer for a moment but soon lifted the hand that wasn't on his arm and grasped on of the thin braids dangling by the side of his face.

"Err… do you want me to braid your hair like mine." He asked, hopeful she would drop his hair and get off of him, but he had no such luck.

Instead she tightened her grip on the braid and tugged sharply looking at him with cold eyes and an angry face. "Of course not, guard! My hair is much too beautiful to resemble anything like yours." She turned her head to one of the hand maidens. "Prithit, close the door! I don't want anyone to hear us."

A girl stepped forward and curtsied, "Yes your majesty." And shut the door quickly before standing back in place.

As soon as the door shut Githil released Legolas' hair and pulled her hand off of him. Then, with surprising force, pushed him into a sitting position on the bed, leaving the elf to gape at her as she took a commanding position in front of him.

"I did not want to come with my husband on this little errand, after the recent events in our country I am less than thrilled to leave the safety of my own home, however now that I am here I am going to make the best of it. You will not only be protecting me on this little, how shall we put this… 'Episode' but you will also be my entertainment." She pressed her lips tightly together as the elf looked blank.

"And… should I refuse…" Legolas wasn't threatened by this woman. She was young, a baby to him though well into her adulthood for her own people, and didn't seem the least bit intimidating.

"I shall simply tell my husband that I am being mistreated and that I wish not to continue trade with this filthy Elven city." She spat. "So what shall it be?"

Legolas blanched. This was bad. He really didn't want to just give himself to her, but he couldn't let Lord Elrond down on the trade agreement so he knew he really had no other alternative. Lowering his head slightly so blonde hair spilled in front of his face he sighed. "As you wish, Milady."

Legolas went the rest of the day without seeing Aragorn or Frenit. His time was spent, singing, dancing, telling stories, and having his hair styled by the restless Queen. Normally he loved to entertain in such ways but when your audience continuously yells out how horrid you're doing, or tries to dislodge your hair from your skull these things can grow tiresome. To make matters worse the girls that followed Githil everywhere all seemed to be continuously looking at him and giggle amongst themselves, flirting every chance they got. It was greatly beginning to wear old.

"Guard." She called from her seat on the bed as Legolas stood one handed balancing a stack of books and a flower vase on his feet. "I grow weary of this. In fact I grow weary period. I want you to fetch me my night clothes and you may be excused for the evening."

The elf nearly fell over with relieve but remembered the tower he was balancing and managed to get it down without breaking anything. "Yes, Milady." He bowed and grabbed her night clothing, hastily setting it on her lap before walking briskly out the door but not without first hearing a chorus of 'Good bye Leggy!' from the hand maidens. All the elf could think about was getting to his room and into his bed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A shrill scream woke Legolas as he bolted out of bed grabbing his bow and quiver and strapping his knives on and running to its source. The King and Queen's room.

When he got there he found things a shambles. The bed was uprooted, the candle holder was broken, books and clothing were strewn about and it looked as if a struggle had taken place. Sitting in the center of the bed was Lady Githil looking wide eyed and frightened.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE DO SOMETHING!" she yelled. "KILL HIM! KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM!" She clutched a sheet tightly to her looking around frantically.

Legolas drew his bow. "Kill… _what_?_" _He glanced around the room until his gaze rested on the open window. "Milady, what ever there was is gone now."

"I DON'T CARE GO AFTER HIM!" She screeched. Legolas heard footsteps approaching at a fast pace before Aragorn, Elrond, and Frenit burst in.

"MY LOVE! WHAT HAS DONE THIS TO YOU?" Fernit rushed to his wife's side. "Are you injured!"

She took a shaky breath and shook her head no. "I… I did not see his face… but I know it was a man… he was strong."

"Elrond…" Frenit rose and turned to the Elven lord. "I thought that you said you had the finest warriors protecting my wife…"

"I assure you, your highness, I do. We will take care of the situation for you." Now you should take your wife to the kitchens and get her something to calm her nerves."

"Calm my nerves? CALM MY NERVES! NOTHING WILL 'CALM MY NERVES' UNTIL YOU CATCH THE MAN THAT ATTACKED ME!"

"I assure you, Milady, that we will do everything in our power to keep you safe." Elrond turned and ushered them out the door before facing Legolas and Aragorn. "We have a problem."

Aragorn looked at the glass and clothing covering the floor. "No kidding. Who would want to do harm to her… she seems kind enough."

Legolas snorted. "Wait until you get her behind closed doors. She is a terror. She told me that if I did not serve her she would bar trade. I spent the afternoon singing and dancing on my hands for her."

"Well whether the trade falls through or not we need keep her safe. The Gladden Fields may be small but they have a powerful army and although I know our elves would be able to take them, needless blood shed should not be had." Elrond turned away from them looking at one of the gowns on the floor. "We need to keep a closer eye on her. I would like to place you both as her guard since King Frenit doesn't seem threatened. He was no where to be seen the time of the attack." He bent down and picked it up running his fingers over the red lace. "But it is dangerous for her to be about and I do not want whoever is doing this to know we are watching them. So I am sending you both under cover."

The two friends exchanged excited, if not nervous glances. "What will we be, Ada?" Aragorn finally piped up.

Elrond smiled and turned to them throwing the gown at Legolas. "Women."

Author's Note: Oooh first chapter done!I'll do my best to get the next one up soon and hope to have it by Thursday at the absolute latest. I hope you liked it!

Fiery Mango


	2. Preperation

Preparation

Legolas and Aragorn looked open mouthed at Elrond until finally the elf spoke. "What? We are not going to pretend to be women and even if we were what good would that do?"

Elrond sighed. "You are going to be going undercover as women. Legolas you will take the place of Queen Githil and Aragorn will be one of her hand maidens. We will send the real Githil to a safe house and have Glorifindel and the twins guard her just to make sure she will not be harmed."

"Ada." Aragorn's voice was eerily calm. "There is no way, in all of Arda that you are going to get me into a dress."

"Estel, this is for your kingdom. The lives of many people may rest on your agreeing."

"But… but… it is a dress… it is going to be itchy… and… and hot…"

"Actually, it's smooth and feels like it will be rather comfortable." Legolas said, running his hands along the scarlet fabric.

"You are not helping."

"Look at it this way, Estel; I'm sure that Lady Arwen would be most impressed if you were to do this. Think of how brave you are… willing to do anything to help others." Said Legolas.

"Well… I suppose if you put it that… way… and it is for a good cause." Aragorn looked from Legolas who was still fawning over the fabric to Elrond who was looking at him hopefully.

"Alright… Alright… I'll do it."

"Aye, so will I." Legolas agreed handing the gown back to Elrond who set it gently on the bed. "When do we need to begin?"

"Tomorrow. Tonight, I will get Githil to a safe house and get Frenit his own room… Do not let anyone know what we are doing, everyone is a suspect, remember that." With that he left to see to his guests leaving Legolas and Aragorn alone in the room.

Aragorn sighed and sat down on the bed looking over the mess on the floor. "Oh, Valar, Legolas what have we gotten ourselves into?"

"Cross dressing?" The elf sat beside his friend.

"Very funny, you know what I mean. This is not going to be easy, you know, we are not only going to have to dress like women but we need to talk and act like them too."

"That is not so hard. I have two sisters and they do it alright."

"That is because they are girls…" He sighed and looked at a long blue night dress draped over the floor. He glared at it for a moment then, deciding that it was, in fact, the cause of all of his distress; he kicked it sending it flying across the room and landing in a heap.

"Aragron!" Legolas got up and headed to where the dress lay. "Don't kick the dresses they could snag on something!"

"And you care why?"

"Because I am the one that must wear them and do not fancy having dirty holes in my clothing."

"You are hopeless."

"And you are ruining my gowns."

Aragorn groaned and rested his chin on his hand, absently stroking his beard. "AH!" He shot up right looking frantic.

"What is wrong?" Legolas dropped the night gown and hurried to his friend's side. "Do you hurt in some way?"

"MY BEARD!"

"Your beard hurts?"

"NO… I WILL HAVE TO SHAVE IT OFF!"

"Oh…" Legolas sat down where his Aragorn had been. "Well… you can grow it back…"

"But… but it is my beard… I can not just abandon it…"

"Estel, it is hair."

"Would you be upset if I shaved your head?"

"Point taken." The elf stood up and looked at Aragorn who was admiring the facial hair in a nearby mirror.

"It is for a good cause, and you can grow it back later. Now come, you must be tired."

"Aye… I am…" He slung an arm around Legolas' shoulders and together they walked out of the room enjoying their last night as men.

The next day seemed to arrive all too early to Aragorn. He had been restless at night and worried about the day to come. He finally managed to drag himself out of bed and into Legolas' room where the elf was hurriedly braiding his hair.

"Good Morning, Estel!" he greeted cheerfully.

"What is so good about it?" The ranger asked leaning against the door frame.

"You know you could be a bit more positive about this."

"Legolas, listen to yourself. In a few hours we are going to be shoved into corsets, thrown into gowns, and told to be women. I really do not see the bright side."

"Well, neither do I, but there is no need to go around sulking about it. What is going to happen will happen, and it is your own fault for agreeing to do it so stop complaining and hand me that string."

Aragorn did as he was told and soon the Elf had tied the braid and stood up heading to the door. "Come, Lord Elrond said that we are supposed to meet him in his quarters before breakfast." With that he left leaving a grumpy Aragron to follow suit.

They quickly arrived to the Lord's bedroom and knocked quietly until they were let in. What they saw nearly made them faint. Lord Elrond stood there moving about a dress shoving pins, here and there, checking the skirts, tying the ribbons, and generally acting as a seamstress.

"Ah, there you are I was wondering when you would get there." He set down the pins and motioned for them to move forward. "I was just finishing up a dress for later. Now, we need to get you to up and ready for breakfast so no one knows what is going on. Legolas, come here a moment." The elf in question looked nervously to Aragorn but did as he was told.

"Err… what should I do first…" He asked eyeing the dress with varying levels of discontent.

Elrond looked at him for a moment before answering. "You have no shape."

"Excuse me?"

"You need a shape. Women have shapes; they are round in certain area's that we are not."

"I know that but how, pray tell, are you going to give me said shape."

Elrond turned around before shoving a corset at him. "Put this on. We will stuff the top."

"What!"

"Remember, Legolas, look on the bright side." Aragorn smirked as Legolas glared daggers at him.

Finally he sighed and removed his night shirt squeezing into the already tight corset and under skirts that went with it.

"Alright, Estel, I need you to take a hold of these strings and pull as hard as you can. Legolas, hold onto my arm."

"Why would I need to-UGH" Legolas lurched forward grabbing onto Elrond and nearly knocking him over as Aragorn pulled the corset.

"Okay just a little more."

"I cannot breathe…"

"Then it is working… pull again, Estel." This time Legolas grabbed a hold of the bed post as he was pulled back, efficiently snapping off the wooden head to one of the posters.

"Air…"

"Legolas." Elrond patted his back. "Breathe up and down not out and in."

"That… is not… physically… possible…" He panted out.

"Here shove this down the front of the corset and get your dress on." Elrond quickly threw him some cloth and motioned to a green dress lying on the bed. "It is your turn, Estel. Sit down. We must shave your beard." Legolas shot him a sympathetic look before heading behind the dividing screen in the corner to change.

Aragorn whimpered but did as he was told and sat down as Elrond handed him a razor and bowl of water. "Be quick about it we do not have all day." Aragorn started and Elrond went back to work on the dress as a silence fell along the room, however it didn't last long and was soon interrupted by a series of grunts coming from behind the divider followed by a series of Elvish cussing.

"Are you alright Legolas?" Elrond called ignoring Aragorn's snickering.

"No!"

"What's wrong?"

There was a long silence before the elf's muffled voice rang out again. "I'm stuck."

Aragorn doubled over and Elrond had to suppress a giggle as Legolas walked out with his arms sticking straight up and out of the gown and his head still down in the fabric.

"It's not funny! Stop laughing and help me!"

Elrond stepped forward and with a sharp tug sent the dress down ward revealing a rather frazzled looking prince of Mirkwood. "Is it to tight?" He asked.

Legolas stood for a moment as testing it out before his eyes widened and he grasped at his stomach. "I can not breathe…"

"Up and down."

"Not… possible…"

"Try it…"

He glared at Elrond before taking a shaky breath upwards nearly popping the seams of the corset.

"Now down."

Legolas did so, just barley.

"Good now braid all of your hair… into one braid… and I will get your crown in a moment. Are you done yet, Estel?"

Aragorn turned around still chuckling but now with no beard. "Yes."

"Good. You don't need to put a corset on, the hand maidens are a bit thicker than Githil, stuff your shirt and get into your dress." He tossed a rather nasty looking brown servant's dress and apron before turning to Legolas and beginning to carefully adjust a golden crown to sit upright on his head.

"Ada… this… this… this is ugly… Legolas, his… his dress is pretty…" Aragorn seemed to notice the flaw in his words. "Err… not that… I would… care or anything… but doesn't Githil give her handmaidens pretty dresses?"

Legolas smirked through his rough breathing. "No… I have… seen them… and… they … are nothing… like her gowns…"

The ranger seemed slightly put out. "Oh." He turned and went behind the divider and began to change.

Elrond adjusted the crown once more before stepping back to admire Legolas. The prince sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. He had to admit it but he did greatly resemble Queen Githil.

"Estel… Estel hurry up breakfast is in but a few minutes." Legolas stood up and walked to the divider where what sounded almost like a pained whimper sounded.

"I'm not coming out." An upset voice answered.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because… Because you're…."

"I'm what?"

"You're… You're… You're prettier than me!"

"Excuse me?"

"You are… with your gown and your hair… and you actually look like a girl… I am… I am ugly… I am bulky… and… and… frumpy… and… flat chested!"

Legolas couldn't hold back a smile. "Estel… are you insinuating that you wish for breasts…"

"No… but… but… you're prettier…"

"Estel, I'm sure your beautiful… come out so I may see." Legolas cooed. After a few grumbles the ranger stepped out… and he hadn't been wrong. His brown dress was much too large even though he was already bulky for a woman. His hair was stringy and hastily pulled back and because of how wide his chest was the cloth hadn't bunched as it had as Legolas' thin form and as a result he was very flat.

"Oh… Estel you look wonderful!" Legolas confirmed setting a gloved hand on his shoulder.

"Why do you get gloves… and jewelry…? And chest!"

"Because, I am a queen."

"Humph…"

Elrond looked on the two highly amused. Despite Aragorn's rather bulky appearance they really did look much like the people they were meant to. "You two should really get down to breakfast. Remember, Estel, you are Legolas' servant not his…err… her friend and you will dine with the servants. Legolas, you are, first a foremost, King Frenit's wife. Return affection whole heartedly. And use all of your table manners and act as much as possible like your sisters. Mimic their walk, the way they hold their utensils anything you can mimic try. You are off now good bye."

With that the two quickly nodded and left for their first day as women.

Author's Note: Hello, Hello! Well I got that up pretty quick! I hope that you liked it. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns feel free to leave them in a review and I'll answer them best I can! Thanks for Reading!

Fiery Mango


	3. Breakfast

First Breakfast

Note: Thank you so much too all my reviewers I hope that you like this chapter!

The hall was quiet as Legolas and Aragorn made their way down to breakfast. Finally the elf spoke.

"You are walking wrong."

"What?" Aragorn looked at him confusedly.

"Your walking, it is to… hard… You need to be daintier."

"Legolas, I am a ranger. There is no way in all of Arda I am going to be dainty."

"Well you could be. You're going to blow our cover."

Aragorn sighed and stopped. "How do I walk…?"

"Like this!" Legolas hiked up his skirts so Aragorn could see his legs. "It is not a plod it is more… of… a... a… lighter step." He demonstrated. "And you need to swivel your hips."

"My hips don't swivel."

"Well they will!" He glared at the Ranger with intensity that would have frightened a balrog. "I did not crush my lungs and get breasts the size of melons for nothing! You will be a girl, you will swivel, and you will like it! NOW WALK!"

Aragorn did as he was told, lightly walking and swiveling the best that he could until he heard a burst of laughter from behind him and turned to see Legolas standing leaning against a wall laughing his elvish brain out. "What's so funny?"

"You… You…. You look like a duck!" The elf dissolved into another fit of giggles.

"But… I'm swiveling and walking lightly… and…"

"Look like a duck…" Legolas managed to calm himself down for a moment. "It will have to do for now… go to the servants quarters… I'll see you after breakfast." He waved goodbye and left a bewildered Aragorn looking after him.

Legolas walked through the grand archway that led to the dining hall. He immediately saw king Frenit motioning for the elf to sit beside him. He did smiling warmly at his 'husband'.

"Why good morning my dear Githil! Why… If I dare say so myself you look absolute ravishing, have you done something to your hair? I don't know if I've ever seen you so lovely."

Legolas cleared his throat and spoke as high and feminine as he dared. "Why thank you, love. It must be the Rivendell sunshine."

"Oh my dear! Your voice! Are you catching ill?"

"Err… No, darling, just a little bug. No need to worry." He smiled again.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, do not worry about me."

"Alright!" Frenit smiled and patted his hand. "Did you sleep well? I am sorry that I couldn't make it to bed last night, but I had… business… to attend to…" His face clouded over for a moment before he went back to his usual perky demeanor. "Well, I think that breakfast is just about ready." He smiled as Elrond took his seat at the head of the table and motioned for the meal to begin.

Everything was going smoothly. The food was good and talk was light leaving Legolas to watch the other women at the table, how they ate and spoke to their partners. The elf was just about to say things were going well. Then he felt it.

Elrond had begun to speak of the new trade treaty in progress with Frenit's help as the Elves about the table nodded and smiled. It had been such a light feeling that he figured that a breeze had gotten past his skirts but as it began to move higher he realized that it was warm and actually touching him. He looked over at Frenit who glanced back out of the corner of his eye and smiled suggestively. As he looked away again the elf chanced a glance under the table to see what the thing was. To his horror, it was Frenit's foot, inching slowly up his leg. It had only made it about halfway up his calf but the elf didn't really want to let him get much higher. So he gently adjusted his legs shaking himself.

The problem with Frenit was that he did not give up so easily. He simply assumed that his 'wife' was playing hard to get. So, without breaking his train of speech or revealing what was going on under the table he began again, faster. Legolas was quite taken aback and tried to shake him off gently but had no such luck and the foot was beginning to creep up his thy. Frenit smiled as he spoke and tried one more time making it much higher than Legolas would have liked before stopping. The elf simply grimaced as cheerily as he could while the foot wiggled slightly in his lap.

Several more moments passed by uneventfully. Legolas focused on breathing up and down and tried his hardest not to notice the wriggling on his legs. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Lord Elrond dismissed them all to go about their business. To the prince's relief the foot came down and Frenit got up waiting for him to do the same. Legolas smiled and turned, about to go and meet with his hand maidens to see what Aragorn had found out, however he felt firm hands grasp his shoulder and pull him back. He turned slightly to see Frenit staring lovingly at him.

"I have the morning off my dear! I have already arranged the same for you! Now we may do… _whatever_… we please." The king took special trouble to pull him closer on the word whatever.

"Oh… really… that is… perfect… dear heart…" Legolas couldn't help but grimace as Frenit scooped him up and carried him off to what he greatly hoped was not the bedroom.

Meanwhile Aragorn was not fairing much better. As soon as the Elf had left he had turned, still swaying, and headed toward the servant's chambers he had gotten turned around at one point and arrived late surprised to find that the only people left were Queen Githil's hand maidens all sitting around chatting idly and doing each other's hair, however as soon as he stepped they stopped eyeing him with varying degrees of uncertainty.

Finally one stood and walked over to where he was standing. "You must be the new servant that Lord Elrond was telling us about." She curtsied. "I'm Prithit. I'm Queen Githil's head hand maiden." She turned to the others and pointed to each as she called out a name. This is, Trinil, Fwethia, Rumie, Hetla, and Olriwa. You must be Nerwiva, correct?" He nodded.

"You can sit by me!" Hetla called and motioned to the seat beside her. He smiled, still not speaking, and did so.

Fwethia looked at him critically. "Aren't you a little big for a handmaiden?"

Aragorn froze, then doing his best to copy Arwen's voice spoke. "I have a growth disorder and thank you not to poke fun at it." The girl said nothing but returned to where she had been working on Trinil's hair.

Prithit sat back down and continued working on Rumie. "So, what brings you here?"

"I need to work to support my family." Aragorn answered.

"Humph. Then you picked the wrong place to do it." Fwethia said. "We barely get paid."

"But we do get room a board… and food." Olriwa piped up. "That helps."

"If you could call it that, the beds are lumpy and I have known rats that get better meals." Fwethia did not seem to want to give up the argument.

Trinil spoke next. "But Lord Elrond is better than the Queen. Our beds are soft and our stomachs are filled."

"Yes, but as soon as we leave the beds and foods are gone and its back to lumps and slop."

"You know, Fwethia, the wages may stink and maybe they are not the best of conditions but at least she is kind." Prithil said.

"Not to Legolas!"

"But we are not Legolas!"

"Wait…" Aragorn stopped them. "What did she do to Legolas?"

"So you have already met him?" Hetla squealed and the other girls seemed excited as well. "Do you know him well? Have you two spoken? What's he like? He seems nice; I bet that he's nice…."

"Err… yes… I know him alright… we have spoken… and I suppose that he's nice…"

"Hold on," Rumie grinned mischievously. "Alright like, friends alright or alright like shirtless alright?"

Hetla and Trinil and Olriwa giggled as Fwethia snorted and Prithit looked appalled. Aragorn had to keep himself from laughing out right. He thought for a moment about how to answer. If he could get them to open up with girl talk he may get an idea of what was going on so after taking a deep breath he answered. "Shirtless, alright." It wasn't exactly a lie. He had seen Legolas with his shirt off plenty of times… of course usually he was being treated for a wound of some sort and not in a romantic sense.

All of the girls exchanged excited squeals. Before dropping what they were doing and crowding around Aragorn.

"Well," Trinil looked straight at him. "What was he like?"

"Yeah, tell us, Nervie!" Orliwas giggled insanely as Aragorn looked disgusted at the nickname.

"I bet he was muscular." Hetla sighed dreamily, "Strong and silent."

Even Prithit and Fwethia seemed to want to know about the shirtless elf, so after a few moments, Aragorn obliged. "Well… err… I guess that he's… um… alright… and… uh… he looks…. pretty good… but elves never look really really muscular." A new wave of whispers swept over them until finally, Prithit spoke up.

"We did not know he was an elf…" She looked slightly in awe. "We had guessed that maybe he was but thought it childish and stupid…"

Hetla looked almost frightened. "No wonder she did not like him…"

"What? What does Queen Githil have against elves?" Aragorn was beginning to worry what they did to Legolas.

"We do not know… she seems to think that they are… I don't know… dirty… she refuses to touch anywithout a cloth on them. She also seems to think that she is superior to them. She made Legolas be her servant." Prithit said. "It is strange, everyone else in our country adores elves, and they are almost like gods to some people."

"We were in the presence of an elf…" Fwethia breathed. "And now we will not even get to see him again…"

"What?" Aragorn was thoroughly confused.

"Lord Elrond said that he left on a special mission… He is putting some people undercover to protect Queen Githil and we will not know who they are." Prithit shrugged.

"But anyway… did he have good abs…" Aragorn had a feeling that this would take a while.

Author's Note: Okay… I know it's kinda short I'm sorry, I'll try to make the next one longer. Special thanks to all my awesome reviewers especially, KayCee for sending me a bombardment of e-mails and G.A. Clive for reviewing all of my stories! The next chapter should be up soon and sorry for the delay on this one. I hope that you enjoyed!

Fiery Mango


	4. Complications

Complications

Author's Note: New Chapter! I hope that you like this one! Special thanks to all of my reviewers!

Legolas Greenleaf was scared. Not an utterly profound statement, mind you, but he was. He was down and out right terrified. The cause of his fears; a certain King Frenit of the Gladden Fields.

It had been almost half an hour since Legolas had been brought to the sleeping chambers they shared. It had been half an hour since Frenit had disappeared into the washroom connected to their quarters to 'freshen up' and it had been half an hour since Legolas had torn the room apart looking for means of escape.

The door had been locked and the key lost, when the elf had tried the doors to the balcony and to his relief they opened, however the balcony was about a 30 foot drop into rocks and waterfalls, so after a moment of serious contemplation he turned around and headed back inside.

He searched high and low for the key but could fine nothing, the only thing that was in the room were some clothes, jewelry, candles, and bottles that looked like oil but smelled sweet. It wasn't in the pillow cases, no loose floor boards, he was about to give up when he spotted something golden sticking out from a carved statue's mouth. Was it… could it be? YES YES IT WAS IT WAS THE KEY! Now the only thing he had to do was get it and unlock the door before Frenit came ba-

The door to the washroom began to creak open the elf mad a mad grab for the key before dashing to the door, but it was do late.

"Oh… so you're trying to escape me are you!" A playful voice echoed through the room.

"Err… no dear heart… just… err… examining the find craftsmanship of the door!" Legolas said mentally cursing in every tongue he knew. He looked frantically for a place to shove the key but there really wasn't a part of him available for stashing things. So, he put it in the only open space he could find. His mouth.

"Err… Yes, darling it is a lovely door… but you know the furniture is quite lovely too…."

"Mmm?" He felt a hand grip his shoulder and turn him around to face a smiling Frenit.

"Oh yes, the elves are wonderful craftsman."

"Mmm."

"I mean look at the detail on the chests, the wardrobes, the bed…"

"Mmm…"

"Are you alright dear?"

"Mmm Hmm!"

He grinned and led Legolas over to the edge of the bed and let him sit while he turned around to draw something. Legolas immediately spit out the key and shoved it down his bodice causing a unique squealing sound as his corset was stretched even further.

"What was that?"

"Err… nothing… the bed is squeaking I believe…"

"Oh… alright." He turned back around. After a few moments of rummaging about in chest turned back around holding some of the bottles of what he thought was oil in one hand and a candle in the other. He quickly set them all down on the nightstand, lit the candle and uncorked the bottles. Almost immediately the sweet fragrance filled the room and Legolas became rather tired.

"What are you doing, darling?"

"You will see!" Frenit rubbed his hands together in delight and went around to the back of the bed sitting behind the elf. He moved his hands above the Prince's neck then proceeded to give on of the best neck rubs Legolas had ever had in his life.

"Darling you don't have to… I really would be more comfortable if…. Don't bother yourself I'm…" All of the protests died on his lips. The king's hands smelled like oil too and Legolas was having a hard time keeping his eyes focused.

"Now, now dear I know how you love your neck rubs and we haven't been together in so long…"

"Errr… right…" His vision blurred as his body relaxed.

"And I was thinking…"

"Oh?" Frenit's hands were warm… had they always been that warm?

"My health hasn't been the best you know…"

"Mmm?" Why was he so tired?

"So… maybe it would be time if we…"

"Hmmm?" He was just about to doze off.

"Produce an heir?"

Legolas' eyes shot open and he bolted upright off the bed and away from Frenit's hands. "WHAT!"

"I think that it's time we produce an heir. I won't be around forever you know… and you are not getting any younger yourself… We may be running out of time."

"I am NOT going to produce an heir. I am… err… not ready… for mother hood..."

"But you love children…"

"THAT IS WHEN THEY ARE NOT OURS AND WHEN WE DO NOT HAVE TO MAKE THEM!" Then it clicked, the candles, the oils, the message. "You do not want to spend time with me! You only want to make your precious son… That's what this is all about… you are trying to get me to agree while I am not in my full state of mind!" He stormed to the table and cocked the bottles. "I am surprised in you, darling!"

"But it is for the good for the country, Dearest!" Frenit stood also. "We need someone to take the thrown should something happen to me! This is the perfect time we have all morning to ourselves."

"NO… I am the one that would have to have it and would have to take care of it… you will simply see it, teach to use sharp objects, then leave it the country." Legolas had woken up with a good attitude toward the whole undercover idea but now, standing before a human that really wanted nothing more than to us him to squeeze out children; he was beginning to think that killing Elrond seemed like the thing to do.

"Don't talk like that, love. You know I love you and would love our child just as much, and I value your opinion but I can assure that your fears are ridiculous."

"Oh really? Well if you loved me and valued my opinion than you would not have tried to drug me before asking me such an important question! Now if you excuse me I need some time to myself!" And with that he unlocked the door and ran out as fast as he could to find Aragorn wishing very much that he had jumped from the balcony.

Meanwhile Aragorn was having similar wishes as he was continuously bombarded with questions about Legolas. It was true that he and the elf were like brothers but he still couldn't tell weather or not his hair was more the color of gold or the sun, or whether his eyes sparkled more like the sea or gemstones, which really seemed to be the only thing that the girls wanted to talk about.

"You can't see the sun without squinting at its awesome might, and you can't see his hair without being in awe at its perfection! It's more like the sun than gold!" Rumi argued with Hetla. Trinil nodded and Orliwa rolled her eyes.

"Nu-uh!" Hetla yelled. "You can't even look at the sun and you can't seem to your eyes of his hair, like you look at gold!"

"Err… why does it matter… why can't you just call it blonde…" He was met with six appalled stares.

Finally Hetla spoke. "Why does it matter? WHY DOES IT MATTER!" Fortunately for Aragorn at that time the door burst open to reveal a very frantic looking 'Githil' he/she pointed to Aragorn and motioned him to the door.

"YOU. ME. HALLWAY. NOW!" He hurriedly got up and walked past the chambermaids who looked between him and Legolas with a mix between fear and pity on their faces. The two hurried out and slammed the door behind them.

Once the two were outside Legolas dropped his feminine voice and sounded very much like he was about to burst into tears. "I can not take this, Estel! I can not live with that man one more second…"

"Oh, come now, Legolas, he can not be that bad…"

"He wants to make merry with me!" The elf hissed. "He want's an heir to his thrown and I most certainly am NOT going to give it to him… Please tell me that you found something out…."

"Well… I have a few suspicions but no major leads… wait… did you say he wants to make merry with you?"

The elf sighed and nodded, sinking down to the floor and leaning against a wall with his head in his hands.

Aragorn burst out laughing. "You… and him… and then… with the… and the… oh … I am… sorry Legolas… but that is just to rich…"

"For you maybe… he is horrible… he can not seem to go five seconds without touching me… during breakfast he ran his foot up my leg, on the way to our chambers he picked me up… when he put me down he squeezed my rump and he keeps 'accidentally' falling onto my chest!" He sighed. "Oh, Valar, I can not take this…I do not understand how women bear it…"

Aragorn shrugged and helped the Elf up. "I suppose it seems normal to them. Then again I never do that to Arwen, so maybe it's just you."

"Gee… thanks… you're a big help."

"Maybe we should see Ada… I mean we both have the morning off and they will surely not miss us." He gestured to the closed door.

Legolas sighed and leaned gently against Aragorn. "I suppose you are right…" he sighed. "And maybe he will let me take this corset off… I am getting dizzy from the lack of air."

With that the two headed of to see Elrond.

Author's Note: Okay… I know that this is really, really, really short and stuff but I can explain! I probably won't get that much time to type tomorrow and am going to be leaving on a short vacation and won't be back until Wednesday. I won't get a chance to type anything or post though I can write a bit… while I'm going because the place I'm going doesn't have a working computer (I'll bring my crappy old laptop that doesn't have internet.) I really wanted to get another chapter up before I left so I worked hard and here you go! I'll do my absolute best to get one more chapter up today… wouldn't load last night but I didn't finish till about 11:30… Oy…I'm still tired… Special thanks to G.A. Clive for the nice little letter, and To KayCee for more E-mails… I love you but my inbox hates you. Also to KayCee who isn't answering my e-mails… I'll see you soon… and remember… 'M not drunk… 'M slightly intoxicated… I hope that you enjoyed! Until Next Time!

Fiery Mango


	5. Advice

Chapter 5Advice

AN: Hello, I'm back from vacation and such… I wanted to say I'm sorry for the delay, we were gone one more day than I thought we were going to be and when we got back my laptop wouldn't load my stories onto a floppy to put into the computer no matter what I did/do so now I have to retype the chapters so I will be making some major revisions but I should be back to my normal posting habits. Also, sorry for any delay in or lack of response from me to any one's reviews/messages to me; I've been without decent internet access for about five days. Well, enough of my complaining, here's chapter five! Hope you enjoy.

Lord Elrond was NOT having a good day. It hadn't started out bad, mind you, it had been perfectly pleasant as days go, warm and happy, comfortable and wonderfully relaxing… then he had gotten out of bed.

He had stubbed his toe on the way to his bathing chambers, his bathing water was cold, he didn't have a towel, he found a knot in his hair, broke his favorite comb trying to untangle said knot, couldn't find his favorite purple robes, got his crown tangled in his hair, and that was all before Aragorn and Legolas had come.

The lord had ended up looking like an idiot pinning up a gown for the prince, and then Legolas had nearly ripped off his arm and broken his bead post getting the stupid corset adjusted. Not only that but he had been reduced to a hair dresser trying to make them look remotely presentable.

At breakfast he had bitten the inside of his cheek which really hurt and swelled up so he kept biting it repeatedly. He had had to keep up an incredibly dull conversation about the trade issue while he watched Frenit cuddle and flirt with a very uncomfortable looking Legolas and could have sworn that the king was trying to play footsies with the other elf under the table.

After breakfast, which had been severely lacking in its usual taste, the man had scooped up the poor prince and begun to carry him off to places Elrond didn't even want to think about before Legolas had been put down and squeezed on the bum, then hurried out of the room.

The Lord of Rivendell had retired to his study for a little bit of rest but still could not find relaxation. He pulled a book from the shelf to find that a large amount of what looked like grape jelly had been spilled all over it's pages, he couldn't find another text that he wanted to read so settled on writing in some of Rivendell's record books but couldn't find his good quill. When he did find it and begin to write, the tip broke; he cut his finger trying to sharpen it and spilled ink all over his robes. Finally to top it all off he closed the book on his sore finger and got a paper cut pulling it out.

Needless to say Elrond did not need anymore disturbances to make his day worse. However, Aragorn and Legolas did not know about his day nor seem to car either way when they came barging into his office like a pair of wargs.

"WE NEED HELP!" Aragorn's voice was stressed and Legolas was shaking violently.

"Come now, boys, it can not be that bad. I know that Frenit and the girls are… a bit… eccentric… but they are not monsters."

Legolas' eye twitched. "You spend an hour with them and then you tell us…"

"Legolas, Frenit jus loves his wife and wants to spend time with-"

"HE WANTED TO MAKE MERRY WITH ME!"

"What?"

"HE WANTS TO PRODUCE AN HEIR AND I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT GOING TO BE THE ONE HE DOES IT WITH!"

"And those girls…" Aragorn shuddered. "They are obsessive. All they can think about is Legolas; I can assure you they have nothing to do with Githil's attacker."

The elf beside him looked slightly confused. "What? They liked me that much? What did they say?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I do not know; just wondered what they think of me…"

"But that has nothing to do with the situation…"

"If you had six women fawning over you wouldn't you want to know what they thought?"

"You always have women fawning over you why does it matter now?"

"Because I do not usually have six doing it at once…"

"Oh yes, how could I forget… you usually have ten or twenty… what a new experience."

"You are just jealous because even as a woman people like me more."

"Ada! Did you hear that? He just insulted my honor… say something!"

Elrond massaged his temple as he was prone to do when annoyed. "Estel, you do realize you just told me to defend you honor, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"That is possibly one of the girliest things I have ever seen or heard in my life and I have sisters… And neither of them have ever asked someone to defend their honor" Legolas looked like he was either going to laugh or burst into tears. "It must be the dresses… Lord Elrond we can not carry on like this…"

"But you must, you can not tell me the mighty Legolas Greenleaf, prince of Mirkwood, is afraid of a feeble old king? Honestly! You have faced armies of giant spiders without showing your fear."

"THOSE SPIDERS WERE NOT TRYING TO GET ME PREGNANT!"

"He has a point, Ada." Aragorn agreed putting a supportive hand on the wood elf's shoulder.

"Your not helping, Estel."

"I'm not trying to, I have a funny feeling that this is going to end badly and I want to stop it before it has a chance to get worse than it already is."

"No. You must continue, you have only been at it a few hours, give it another chance!"

Legolas' eye twitched again and he put his hands on the desk, leaning forward. "I do not need another chance to know that this is not going to work. I can barely breathe and am getting dizzy from it, every male in the surrounding area keeps looking at my rump no matter where I go, I have gotten twenty-four cat calls from the time I woke up till now, and my back hurts from holding my chest up. There is no way in all of Arda that you are going to get me to do this for another hour…"

"I never said that it would be for an hour."

"Oh?"

"It would be more like a few days."

"Oh."

"We refuse." Aragorn said simply. "We are grown men…"

"Usually…"

"Err… yes, thank you Legolas. We are usually grown men and you can not tell us what to do."

Elrond had lived for over six thousand years and he was in no way, what so ever, going to take that kind of crap from mere children. "Estel, Legolas, I love you like sons you know that, however you are in no way going to speak to me in such a manner. You are children to me, and as long as you are under my roof you will obey my commands, and I command you to continue."

"Ada, I am a grown man."

"And I am over two thousand I hardly think I qualify as a child."

"Estel, I have shoes older than you, and Legolas, I have changed your diapers you are a child now, and will always be a child to me so you have no protest."

"But… but…"

"But nothing, Estel, you will follow my rules…"

Legolas got off the desk and crossed his arms. "Since when is, 'Estel and Legolas must cross dress.' A rule?"

"Since now. So, turn yourselves around and swivel out of here." He grabbed Estel by the ear and Legolas by the arm and marched them out the door. Then his day got worse.

As he walked them outside, a very stressed Elladan came rushing down the hall and bursting into the room. The Elves and Ranger looked confusedly at him before he burst out, frantically, "Queen Githil is Gone!"

Author's Note: I know it seems like I'm jumping into a major plot thing here but don't worry the story is just heating up! Okay yeah. Well I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you're looking forward to the next one… it feels so nice to be posting again! I'm sorry again for the delay! Until Next Time!

Fiery Mango.


	6. Search and Issues

Chapter 6Search

Author's Note: Here's Chapter 6 I hope that you like it! Special thanks to my reviewers!

Elrond's eye twitched nastily. "What… did… you… say…?"

Elladan faltered for a moment. "Err… Githil is gone…"

"Why… is Githil gone…"

"Ada… before I tell you… just remember how much Elrohir and I love you…"

Elrond had always hated conversations that started that way. He sighed and rubbed his temple. "What did you do?"

"We didn't do anything, per say…" The twin backed up slightly as if trying to get enough room to make a decent escape. "We simply… happened to maybe… kind of… leave door to the safe house open and she ran out…"

Elrond took a deep breath and looked at his son. "I am not going to yell…" Elladan relaxed a little but still kept tension like a trapped animal. "I am just going to talk in a calm, reasonable, voice…" Elladan smiled widely.

"Oh thank you Ada I knew that you would under-"

"Then, I'm going to kill you."

"Oh, Valar."

And they were off. Elladan bolted down the hall quickly followed by the Elven Lord who looked very much like he was going to strangle him. Aragorn dashed after in an attempt to save his brother. Legolas sighed heavily and followed trying his hardest to keep breathing while running in a skirt and heels.

That is the sight most of the occupants of Rivendell beheld that day. One of the twins (they were running to fast to tell which) shooting across the halls, screaming his lungs out, followed by a furious Elrond whose arms were stretched out in a vain attempt to catch his child. Then came a rather bulky handmaiden screaming at Elrond to stop and finally Queen Githil who looked she was about to fall over at any second breathing heavily and mumbling something about condemning the maker of corsets to a life time of pain and misery trapped in their own device. After a while people began to take bets on who would win and before long all of Rivendell was rushing here and there trying to see who would last the longest.

Legolas, however, was not having such a good time. He kept tripping over himself and could barely walk, let alone run in those blasted shoes. The worst part was, his dizziness had increased ten fold and everything was beginning to blur. So he stopped, that is, until he saw Frenit chasing after him down the hall yelling for his 'beloved' to stop. The wood elf's eyes widened in horrid realization, and he was off again.

The shoes were left behind him and he lifted his skirts, dashing past Aragorn and Elrond, finally even past Elladan looking for means of escape. He came to the grand staircase glancing around hurriedly before beginning to run down. However, he was soon stopped when Elladan cam running down after him, tripped on the younger elf's skirts and sent them both toppling to a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

The next thing Legolas saw was Lord Elrond standing over him tapping on his forehead.

"Thank goodness you are awake…" He sighed heavily.

"What?" The wood elf blinked confusedly and tried to sit up but the healer pushed him back down.

"You will bother your head don't move." He turned and began to adjust some herbs on it.

"You hit your head when you and Elladan fell down the stairs…" Aragorn was sitting by his side. "You've been unconscious all day… we were getting really worried."

Legolas glanced around him and saw that it was dark and the room was lit by candles. He was in the healing ward, still in his dress however judging by his breathing easily, the corset had been removed. All other beds were empty, save one which held a rather banged up looking Elladan with bandages almost every surfaces especially his mouth. Elrohir sat next to him speaking quietly to and looking rather annoyed at his twin.

"What happened to Elladan? Did he get all of that falling down the stairs too?"

"No."

"Did Lord Elrond do that!"

"In a way…" the ranger half smiled. "Ada backed him up onto a balcony and he jumped off to get away. It was kind of funny… stupid and worrying… but funny… he landed on the balcony below it… he just barely missed a pile of blankets set out to dry… but then again I suppose he deserved it. He's getting a major verbal thromping from Elrohir."

Legolas winced he knew well enough how bad Elrohir could scold. "Aye… poor guy… wait… Is Queen Githil still missing?"

"Yes, we sent out hordes of soldiers looking for her but it's like she's just disappeared."

"Does Frenit know…"

At that moment the king burst into the room and threw himself beside the Elf nearly sitting on him in the process. He was crying and began doing something that Legolas had been afraid of.

"smooch Oh my darling I was so worried! smooch I didn't know what to do! smooch This is why we need an heir… smooch What if something,smooch had happened to you… smooch, I couldn't go on! smooch, smooch, smooch" The king proceeded planting kisses on the elf, really any surface shown was fair game… lips, nose, neck, forehead, he was working his way up to his ear when Elrond saw and saved him.

"Your highness, I wouldn't do that… your wife got a nasty bump on the head, so I would stay away from that area." Aragorn was in silent hysterics, his head in his hands as he shook from laughter.

"What's wrong my dear?" The king turned to the Ranger who looked up holding back a smile as tears poured from his eyes.

"Err… nothing, milord…"

"Oh your just worried for your queen, how sweet!" He clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry she's fine and will be fine…"

"Yes, but she needs rest." Elrond began ushering Frenit out the door. "And she needs to change into her nightgown so you best be off."

"But I have seen my wife change before…"

"Err… Darling, I really think you should leave…" Legolas was in no way going to take his dress off in front of that man.

"But sweetie it is nothing new to me…"

"Oh it will be…"

"But.."

"No buts out you go!" Elrond managed to get him out of the door before locking it securely. He handed Legolas a cup of water. "Drink this, it will help get the Frenit taste out of your mouth… your gown is over there, and I am off to see about finding Queen Githil." With that he turned and walked out of the room.

Almost immediately after he left Aragorn went to fetch Legolas nightgown and the twins both got up and came up to his bed. Apparently Elladan's legs were fine, however his top half couldn't move at all and his twin had to help him sit against the headboard with Legolas.

The wood elf cocked his head. "What's wrong with his mouth?"

"Nothing, Ada couldn't get him to stop talking." Elrohir looked either annoyed or worried but it was hard to tell which

Aragorn came back and threw the white silk dress at Legolas. "Go change behind the divider… I've heard enough about your body today I don't need to see it too."

"Wait… why do I have to wear a dress to bed?"

"Because you are Githil and will be spending the night in your quarters with your husband…"

"WHAT!"

Elrohir laughed. "Legolas, Frenit thinks that you're his loving wife and would be most put off if you didn't spend some _quality_ time with him."

"But why didn't Lord Elrond tell Frenit that I was to ill to sleep wit- in the same bed as him."

"That's another reason that Dan's mouth is covered."

"Mmmfph! Mmrphry, Merrrf!"

"What do you mean you had not other choice? You could have just kept your big mouth shut!" Legolas turned to the twin beside him.

"Mmurpgh, Mree, Murrripfh…"

"How could you say something like that without knowing it?"

"Mmmpfrugh Mree Mree Mpriowl Meriwl."

"I will not calm down! That man wants to have children with me! I can not spend the night with him!"

"Mmpfrifig."

"NO, I WILL NOT STOP REPEATING EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAY! HOW COULD YOU OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH AND TELL HIM THAT I AM FINE AND HAVE SUFFERED WORSE!"

"Mfri Mou Mve…"

"I KNOW I HAVE AND YOU KNOW I HAVE, AND WE ALL KNOW THAT I HAVE, BUT HE DOES NOT! HE THINKS I AM HIS WIFE AND I BARELY SEE HIM FOR ALL HE KNOWS THIS COULD BE A LIFE THREATENING INJURY BUT YOU HAD TO SAY SOMETHING AND MAKE ME HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM!"

Elrohir winced. He knew what Elladan had said was stupid, hence the gag, however he was feeling quite sorry for his twin at the moment and was beginning to worry that he would soon be without him, and so he intervened. "Err. Legolas… you will probably be more comfortable in your night gown how bout you go change…. And I will get you some more water…" He winced again as the irate Wood Elf shook with anger, sloshing water all over the bed and onto Elladan.

"Err… Yes… here I will help you so you do not jostle your head…" Aragorn smiled shakily, rather afraid to touch the fuming prince, but helped him up and behind the divider.

The twins exchanged quick glances before another scream sounded followed by what sounded like sobbing.

"I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Legolas' voice yelled through the thin wood and the elf soon came hurtling onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow, sobbing his eyes out."

Aragorn followed him looking very confused… "What did I say?"

"You… sniff… said…sob… this… sniffle color… sob did not… hiccup flatter…sob my…sniff sob butt!"

"Did I say that out loud?"

"YES!"

"Oh, Legolas, I didn't mean it… You look… you look… ravishing really… white is nice on you…"

"Apparently, not on my butt…" He sniffled again, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

"I say a lot of things I do not mean…"

"Oh?" The tears slowed and his eyes flashed he got up faster than lighting and began backing the ranger into a corner. "Do you mean that you did not mean I was pretty… or my hair looked nice… or you were my friend… I thought I knew you, Estel…"

"Legolas that is not what I meant… geesh Arwen never-"

"Oh, Arwen this, Arwen that, it is always Arwen, Arwen, Arwen! I am sick of it! When are you going to spend time with me? Hmm? What about OUR relationship?" He looked at the Ranger for a moment before crumpling into his arms and sobbing on the front of his dress."

"Err… there… there?" Aragorn patted cautiously half afraid his hand would be bitten off.

"I am sorry, Estel…" He hiccupped. "I am not sure what came over me…"

Elrohir laughed. "Goodness, Legolas, you really are acting like a pregnant woman…"

The wood elf's ears perked up and his eyes widened. He straightened up quickly all together as a wicked smile spread across his face. "Elrohir… I think you just solved all of my problems…"

Author's Note: Ooh, Leggy's got a plan; Leggy's got a plan… I hope that you liked this chapter… I added extra Elrond and the Twins for two special people… (you know who you are wink, wink) because they've been such loyal reviewers and the next chapter is dedicated to them. So I'll do my best to make it longer and to get it up quicker. Sorry for such the long delay in my update, that's the longest I think I've ever gone… (when it was actually possible to update I mean) As always, reviews welcome and well appreciated! Until Next Time!

Fiery Mango


	7. Plans

Plans

Elvish:

Ada: Father

Naneth: Mother

Author's Note: I wanted to give a special thank you to all my reviewers especially G.A. Clive for sending me four messages! I'm not going to have an author's not at the end for reasons you'll see, at the end… there's something special there I don't want to disturb. Okay, well yeah… I'm sorry for the delay in this but because of the special thing I wanted to get it just right so it took a little longer than I would have liked. As always feedback of all kind warmly welcome. Until Next Time!

Fiery Mango

Elrohir, son of Elrond, twin to Elladan, slayer of orcs, wargs, the forces of evil, etc. etc… was not amused. The reason he was not amused; a certain Legolas, son of Thranduil, slayer of giant spiders, corsets, horrid plan maker extraordinaire.

"Oh come on, 'Ro, you know it could work…" The wood elf was practically bouncing up and down in his seat.

"Well… it could… if it is what I think it is… but why would you want it to… I still do not get the point…"

Aragorn looked incredibly confused. "I still do not get the plan…"

"Fine, I shall explain it one more time…"

"Mmmfrylip."

"Your welcome. Alright. Well, Frenit wants to have children with me."

Three nods.

"And I want him to stop wanting to have children with me."

Three more nods.

"He can not want to have children with me if he is already having children with me. So, we are going to make it so he 'is' having children with me, that way the children he wants to have with me have already been made and we do not have to go through the process of making said children he wants to have with me."

…

"We are going to pretend I am pregnant."

"EWWWW!"

"LEGOLAS!"

"MPHFRIGIG…"

"Dan's right, that is wrong on so many different levels." Aragorn made a face.

"Well it is better than him trying to impregnate me." The prince crossed his arms and leaned against the headboard.

Elrohir grinned. "You do know we will be teasing you with this for centuries…"

"Well, I do not see you coming up with anything."

"You did not ask us." he narrowed his eyes. "And I do happen to have an idea, you did not ask for it, so I did not state it."

"… I am sorry… what is your idea?"

"Well, you have a head injury… and what happens to people who get head injuries?"

Aragorn seemed to be catching on. "They… get … headaches!"

"No."

"They… get… sore…"

"No."

"They… get… hormonal…"

"DILUSIONAL! THEY GET DELUSIONAL!"

"Oh…"

"Oh, I see what you are saying. If Frenit tries something I can just act like I do not understand and my head is bothering me so he will leave me be."

"Mmmfili, Meruuuu… Murda… Mphirre, Mlyriff."

"If, Ada finds out he will not be mad, do not worry, Elladan, everything will be fine."

At that exact moment Elrond and Frenit happened to walk into the room.

"Oh, my darling! You're awake! I am so glad to see that you are alright! I hope that you are back in your head."

"I am sure she will be fine, now you two best be off to bed." Elrond smiled gently. "And you, my dear, should be off to the servant's chambers, and you two." The smile melted into a face that could have burned the skin off of Sauron himself. "In my office. NOW."

Legolas got to his feet. "Off to bed we go!" He smiled stupidly and began to walk but was soon stopped as Frenit lifted him up and carried him out. He looked helplessly over the man's shoulder mouthing 'Help me!' as the elves and ranger winced.

When they arrived at the bed chamber he had not moved from Frenit's arms. Much to his horror the king carried him down and set him on the bed before closing and locking the door.

The room was dark now, lit by tens of candles arranged neatly around the doors and bed and smelled vaguely like the oils from before. The balcony was open, giving a beautiful view of the waters of Rivendell, reflecting a full moon and stars.

Legolas blanched and quickly snuggled under the covers tucking them up around himself as a sort of wall.

"Well my dear…" Frenit smiled that mischievous smile that made the prince want to rip off his lips. "We are finally alone… and Lord Elrond said to relax you…" He pulled of his shirt. "How about…" Then the pants. "Another massage." Finally the socks leaving only the king standing in his underwear.

"Err… no thank you I am feeling quite alright."

"Oh?" He had shut his eyes once the pants were on the floor but Legolas could hear and feel Frenit climbing in next to him.

"Yes, really I think I would just like to sleep…"

"Oh? Say, is that a new gown?" An arm snaked around his waist.

"Yes… this gown is of lovely Elvish make… it is comfortable… and soft… and cool… and… pretty…"

"Usually you like my massages… are you sure you are well? How do you feel?" He felt kisses being placed along his neck.

That was it, desperate times called for desperate measures… Legolas combed his mind for something crazy. He was having a hard time until something clicked. An old song his Naneth used to sing to make him laugh. He took a deep breath and began to sing.

"I… feel… pretty…"

"What?"

"Oh… so… pretty…"

"Sweetie are you feeling alright?"

"I feel pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity… any girl who isn't me today!" He smiled it was working, the hand came off… he began to sing louder and faster getting out of bed and twirling around and around the room, giggling like mad, singing louder and faster.

"I feel charming! Oh so charming!"

"Darling…"

"It's alarming, how charming, I feel!"

"Maybe you should sit down…"

"And so pretty… that I hardly can believe, I'm real!"

His twirling took them onto the balcony. He did anything and everything he had ever seen any woman do, dancing. He leaped into the air, the kicked his legs, he moved his arms, he played with his skirts, he even added a back flip for good measure. All the while repeating those two verses until he could remember the next. Frenit had taken a seat on a stone bench and looked on confused as he started the new singing.

"Who's that pretty girl that mirror there?"

Frenit furrowed his brow and looked around. "What mirror… where?"

"Who could that attractive girl be?"

"Who… what? Where…. Huh?"

"Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me! SUCH A PRETTY ME!" He had to wrap this up Frenit looked half amused and half worried, also he was getting tired and his head was starting to ache. So he added a few more flips before facing the waterfront of Rivendell and Frenit and belting out a finishing verse.

"I FEEL PRETTY!... AND WITTY! AND GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" He finished with a flourishing curtsey before skipping back into the chambers and cuddling down under the covers again.

Frenit came in looking at his 'wife' with a slight smile on his face. "I'm glad you feel it… because you look it…"

Oh, valar, it hadn't worked.

"I always think you look pretty… you know I have a guess… that if we were to have a child when you feel pretty and I think your pretty… the baby would be the most beautiful ruler…"

"FRENIT, FOR THE LOVE OF THE VALAR MAN, LISTEN TO YOURSELF!" The dam burst. Legolas sat up right and resisted the urge to smack the human in front of him. "EVERY SINGLE THING I DO YOU HAVE TO RELATE TO HAVING KIDS!"

"But…"

"BUT NOTHING…. I DO NOT NOW, NOR WILL I EVER WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOU!"

"But… but why?" The king then gave the prince the most pitiful heart broken look he had ever seen. And he had seen a lot. Tears welled up in his eyes, his posture slumped, his lip jutted out, and he looked as if someone had just fed his heart to a warg. All cruel words died on his lips and he tried to find a way to fix that face, though his mind was screaming at him. 

"Because…"

_I am not your wife. _

"Because…"

_I am a man. _

"Because…"

_I do not have the organs required for such a process. _

"I am already pregnant and once is enough."

_Or that works… _

The face vanished in an instant and Frenit launched himself on Legolas, kissing his neck and hugging him all over. "Oh darling that's wonderful! I can not wait, I am going to be a father! Now you get some rest, you two," he looked at the elf's stomach. "I am going to be up all night, I just know it!" He gently laid him down and with a quick peck on his stomach was off again into the bathing chambers, singing happily to himself. It was at that moment that Legolas knew it.

He was doomed.

He, was not the only one realizing their fate. Across the palace Elladan and Elrohir were getting the scolding of their life… scolding was really not the right word for it. Scoldings didn't shake walls and break ear drums… unless they were coming from Lord Elrond. The ancient Lord had been screaming his lungs out at his twins for the past twenty minutes in Elvish, leaving the two to wonder how their Ada could go that long without air.

"AND IF I EVER, EVER, CATCH YOU TWO DOING SOMETHING SO COMPLETELY MORONIC, EVER AGAIN, I SWEAR THAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE OUT OF DOORS FOR THE REST OF YOUR ETERNAL LIVES!" He finished speaking, not really speaking, speaking didn't shatter glass with it's volume, to them and sat down massaging his temple, thoroughly annoyed.

"I have yet to figure out a punishment suitable for you two…" He sighed.

"Ada, we did not mean to honest!" Elrohir pleaded.

"Mmf! Mllyfrififphrit!" Elladan offered helpfully.

"I know you did not mean it, and I know that you love me, but thousands of people could die just because you left a door open… all that Legolas and Aragorn have done will be in vain, they will have been women for…" His head snapped up and he looked at his sons, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "You will join them."

"What?"

"Mmfon?"

"You will be joining them. You two will act as sisters visiting from another land. I will hold a ball, and you will follow them around till then, during then, and after then. You will keep them safe and make sure nothing happens to them… at all…"

"What?"

"Mo."

"Dan's right there's no way in all of Arda you can get us to do ahhh!"

"MMMH!"

"WE GIVE WE GIVE!"

Elrond Let go of their ears and smiled. Good… now, I need to find you boys corsets…

Aragorn couldn't take it. After three and a half hours of girlish giggling he was about to snap. He didn't even know it was possible for a sentence to consist of Legolas, every other word and still make sense. He was three seconds away from ramming his head into the wall just for some silence.

"Nu-uh, he likes me better!"

"Nu-uh, he likes ME better!"

"No, way!"

"You're both wrong I'm his favorite.'

"After me!"

"Oh your all talk, he really loves me…"

"No me…"

"No. me…"

"NO NONE OF YOU!" The ranger turned around from where he had been lying on his side. "HE WILL NOT EVER LIKE ANY OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL STUPID, STUPID, PRATS WITH FEWER BRAINS THAN A PIN POINT!"

Fwethia broke the stunned silence. "What makes you so sure?"

"BECAUSE HE IS ALREADY SEEING ME!" The words left his lips before he knew they were even in his mind.

Excited gasps and envious glares were all he got in response… until Hetla spoke up.

"Did you kiss?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"The lips."

"How many times?"

"Lost count." What was wrong with him… well at least they hadn't said the L word for a span of five seconds… a new record.

"What was it like?"

"Did he start or you."

"Was there tongue?"

"How long…"

"When was it?"

"Did you like it?"

"Did he like it?"

"What did he taste like…"

"Was it like, birds and rainbows or flowers and sunshine…"

It was going to be a long night.

_There are four very special people that have been reviewers to the end and always ready to give constructive criticism, advice, or anything else they can think of… thanks to you… guys… This chapter is for you all… _

_G.A. Clive: Oh man, what can I say… you're amazing! I squeal with delight every time I get something from you… (which is often…) Thank you so much for all of the wonderful letters… I can't wait to hear more from you in the future… _

_PrincessSammO: I can't even begin to thank you enough for all of the wonderful out put you've given. I now have a million more ideas I wouldn't have had if it weren't for you… and fanart! Are you kidding me… I kind of want to vomit with joy… Oh dear, you're just that awesome… squee giggle yay… You are a wonderful, wonderful person and I am so glad that I've gotten to talk to you. Thanks again!_

_Psalm 136: Thank you so much for all of your positive feedback, I am amazed with the quickness in your responses and such. I put Elrond in just for you… (he and the twins will be in much more in the next chapter promise)I am amazed that someone who's written such wonderful work takes the time to review every chapter… more squee giggle yay… Thank you. _

_KayCee: I'm sorry, I know that you've heard this speech a thousand times, however, I gotta say it again. You are amazing. You are astounding. You are… you… You're like a sister to me… I love you… blah blah you rock… Okay, yeah thanks for everything here and elsewhere. All my love. _

_This chapter is dedicated to you. _


	8. The More the Merrier

The More the Merrier

Author's Note: Sorry about this being so late… I really have no excuse for it… its just late… and short… yeah… hope you like it anyway! Thanks to all my reviewers!

Elladan and Elrohir had faced orcs, wargs, even giant spiders, but they had never ever been so scared in their lives. Elladan, however, did deserve more credit for not bursting into tears at the sight of his new enemy.

"It is pink."

"It is your new dress." Lord Elrond held no sympathy for his sons who brought this on themselves. "You will wear it, and you will like it."

"But… but it frilly… and… and… pink…" He stammered, his mouth bandages having been removed long ago.

"And your dress."

"Ada, you can't be serious… Elrohir's dress isn't this… this…"

"Girly?" His twin held up his own gown which was not nearly as feminine as Elladan's.

"Yes!" He pouted. "Ada, you are playing favorites… make his girly too…"

Elrond sighed and moved to the old dresser which held several other dresses, shoes, braziers, and corsets. "I am not playing favorites… you get a worse punishment because you hurt Legolas. Now hurry up and get your corset and underskirts on so we can get started. Breakfast is soon."

The two looked at each other both silently vowing to kill their father in his sleep, before squeezing into the torture devices.

"Wait…" Elladan looked confused. "Is this it? This is not so bad…" He laughed. "Well, I suppose Legolas was always a bit sensiti- GASP…" He grabbed a hold of his twin successfully pulling both of them to the ground as Elrond pulled the corset's ribbons, giving his son curves.

"There we are… Elrohir… your turn." His other son stood and grabbed a hold of the bed post, snapping off its head trying not to fall over. Elrond sighed, Legolas had done that to the other side… at least now there was a sense of cemetery.

"Alright… into your dresses so I can fix you're hair." Elrond crossed his arms and waited patiently until Elrohir had his on and Elladan struggled to tie the hundreds of ribbons and bows adorning the gown.

Soon he had finished with Elrohir and moved onto Elladan. When the two were done he couldn't help but smile. His normally identical twins looked nothing alike. Elrohir's gown was long and slender, flowing and regal. Elladan looked very much like a pink puff ball so decked out in lace frills and ribbons he looked as if he were going to fall over any second.

"You look wonderful!"

"We look…pretty…"Elrohir looked amused.

"I look…like a cupcake…"Elladan looked like he was going to vomit.

"Yes, but a pretty, cupcake."

"Shut up 'ro."

Meanwhile on the other side of the palace, Legolas was just waking up, covers pulled up over his head to hide his open eyes. He pulled them down to see all of his handmaidens and Aragorn full drag standing in front of him.

"Good Morning, your highness." One spoke.

"Err… good morning…" He smiled. "Pardon me dears but may I speak to… you…" he pointed to Aragorn. "Alone…" They nodded and left as his friend came to the bed.

"How are you?" The ranger asked.

"Fine… I suppose… we may have a problem…"

"What kind of problem…"

The elf placed a hand on his stomach. "A… little… problem…"

"Legolas, you didn't…"

"He… he was looking at me..."

"Looking at you…" He narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't sound very dire."

"With his eyes! It was almost like I kicked a puppy…"

"Now, what are we going to do? Lady Githil is not pregnant… Did you try acting crazy?"

"Yes… I sang that song…"

"Which one?"

"The one I sang last time I got drunk and claimed I was Lady Galadriel."

"I feel Pretty?"

"Yup."

"And it didn't work?"

"Nope…"

"Well now we both have a problem." The Ranger looked sheepish.

"Keep talking I am going to get dressed." Legolas stood up and made his way over to the cabinet and squeezing into a corset.

"Well…" Aragorn tied it eliciting a few grunts from the elf as he held onto the bed post managing not to break it. "You have to understand after three hours of hearing about you, one gets tired…"

"Yes…"

"And I had had a rough day…"

"Yes…"

"And was not fully in my head…"

"ESTEL JUST GET ON WITH IT…"

"I kind of maybe, sorta' told the girls you and I were dating…"

CRACK

"YOU WHAT!"

"I had to do something to make them shut up…"

"ESTEL THEY THINK WE ARE WOMEN..."

"No… they think I'm a woman… my woman is dating your man…"

The elf brandished the bedpost head at the ranger dangerously. "WELL TELL THEM YOU LIED…"

"I can't…"

"WHY NOT!"

"Because then they won't like me anymore…"

THWAP

Legolas threw the post head smacking Aragorn in a rather uncomfortable place. He bent down to where the Ranger was crouched red faced and heavily breathing. "Oh, I am so sorry, Estel, I don't know what came over me… it must be the hormones…" He helped Aragorn sit on the bed and finished getting dressed before sitting back down and resting his head on the Ranger's shoulder. "We are-"

"Doomed!" Elladan threw his hands up in frustration. This isn't working at all. He and his brother had been trying to get the hang of female walking for the past fifteen minutes. "We are completely doomed and will never be able to do this."

"Oh, come now, Elladan one more time…" Elrond stood up from his seat on the bed before walking across the room perfectly feminine.

"Ada I don't want to know how you know how to do that." Elrohir shuddered.

"After living for over 6,000 years you pick up a few things. Now, one more time." He pleaded.

They sighed, rolled their eyes and walked across the room swiveling more than the Elven Lord thought possible. "It will have to do, now get off to the breakfast hall quickly…" They nodded and were off still swiveling.

"They are doomed."

Author's Note: I know it's short… I'm sorry, I wanted to say that I may not be able to get updates up as quick because I have preband camp all next week starting Monday. So, yeah… I hope that you liked this chapter even if it is short. Thanks for reading and as Always reviews and comments always welcome. Until Next Time!

Fiery Mango


	9. Things Get Bad

Author's Note: OH DEAR GOD HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I LAST UPDATED! hyperventilates Well I'm back. So sorry about the delay but between band camp vacations and writers block and computer issues things have been rabid… Thanks to G.A. Clive and Princess SammO for prodding me to keep going… (Luv ya :D!) Well enough of my excuses on to the REAL thing you clicked her for.

Things Get Bad

It was a bright and shining day in Rivendell. The kind of day that makes young love want to scamper off through the flowers, blow kisses to each other, and basically act sweet enough to give unfortunate witnesses cavities. Needless to say all dating or bonded elves inside the bright halls were just bursting to get outside; all elves that is except one.

Legolas sighed heavily for what must have been the thirtieth time that day. He hadn't even made it to breakfast yet and already had a growing sense of dread in the pit of his stomach that today was going to be bad. One of the hand maidens, P something… had informed him that due to some visiting royal twins arriving, there would be a grand ball held that evening.

Aragorn and Legolas however were much to tired and worried with their own problems to realize the connection between the twins being 'harshly' punished and the royal twins and therefore were quite surprised to see the twins sitting in the hall looking very much like a beautiful elf maiden… and a cupcake.

The wood elf nearly burst into hysterics right there. Just sat on the floor and laughed till he cried. However, with his hand maidens and corset in tact he decided not to do anything for the time being and simply kept walking trying to push down the corners of his lips that were twisting their way into a smile.

Aragorn, on the other hand was not so graceful. He kept up his pace beside Legolas, however earned them several stares as he was laughing hysterically tears streaming down his face.

"OH DARLING, LOOK!" A shrill squeal from the cupcake sounded as she jumped up and ran toward them, stopping at the prince. "You must be Legolas…" She bent down as if to kiss the other elf's cheek but instead hissed something into his ear.

"We will kill Ada in his sleep."

"Err… right…"

Elrohir walked up behind his brother… err… sister. "Frenit has already informed us of you're condition, Milady… congratulations." He too got up close to the Legolas ear.

"Are you crazy? Now what are we going to do…" He pulled away smiling almost painfully.

Elladan spoke up. "We are Princesses Entris and Emin… from the far off land of… err…New… Is…realastan…ia…burg…?"

Elrohir groaned massaged his temple looking very much like Elrond in Drag.

"Come Milady…" he sighed voice higher than usual to hide its masculinity. "You must be hungry…" He linked arms and led her off and Elladan swore inwardly. Legolas looked prettier than Estel and he had wanted him… besides Blue went better with pink than brown did. He however, bit his tongue and linked arms with the Ranger and led him out of the room already talking loudly.

Legolas sighed, wishing Aragorn was still with him. He settled into his seat in-between Frenit and his Twin guard looking at the strange substance on his plate.

"What is this?" He asked staring at the pile of mushy leaves.

Frenit, who within the five seconds of sitting down had already managed to kiss him twice, play footsies once and was currently spouting baby talk to his 'wife's' stomach, looked up. "Why, Darling, It's kelp… It's good for the baby you know. And after all you are eating for two..."

"One of which dose not want slimy green goop sliding down her throat…"

"Hurry up and eat that so you can drink the horse milk…"

"HORSE MILK!"

"Yes, you know the old Gladden Fields tradition! Horse milk to make the child strong."

"Err… of course… how silly of me…" He looked up at Elrond who spared a side glanced and shrugged before continuing a conversation with Glorifindel.

He winced as Frenit called over a servant carrying a huge goblet filled with strange smelling milk like substance with small brown hairs floating in it. "Oh, Darn, I can not drink it; there are hairs in it what a shame."

"Sweetie you're being so silly today… of course you drink the hairs with it… that's the most important part. Now finish you're kelp then you may have it." He laughed and began in on his eggs and bacon.

"Darling… are you sure that… this is… the best… choice right now?" He poked the kelp wincing as it made a sound akin to a moose with bowel movement. "I mean… I really think that I would be better… if I could actually swallow the food…" He made another face.

"Now, now sweetie…" That was all he said, however Legolas immediately knew he had lost the argument. He sighed and lifted the fork to his mouth ignoring the snickers coming from his supposed body guard. He turned to the twin slightly. "If this is poisoned and I die, it's going to be you're fault." He whispered and took the bite.

His first instinct was to spit it out all over Frenit's face. However, this would most likely not be the best choice. Instead, he did the next best thing. He ran out of the room to find somewhere quiet to vomit.

Elrohir winced and got up. All eyes on him and Leoglas' quickly retreating form he smiled awkwardly. "Err… Morning Sickness…" Then turned and headed to follow the younger elf.

He found him in the gardens, by his favorite tree, emptying the contents of his stomach into a nearby bush.

"Legolas, I'm no wood elf but I would hazard a guess that the bush probably doesn't like that very much."

The prince turned around and gave him a look that could have made Elrond's eyebrows jump off and run for cover. "It's fertilizer."

The twin sighed and sat on a conveniently located stone bench. "This can't be good for the mission."

"This can't be good for my stomach." He sat down by Elrohir. "Why is he so obsessed with this kid…? I didn't even get a good morning from him."

"Well, I suppose he's just excited. He is going to be a father." The elf shrugged. "I would be excited to… although maybe not to his extent…"

"Hopefully he has a meeting today. That way I won't have to deal with him and his… exuberance…"

"He does. In fact he told Ada that he could not attend the ball tonight… something about preparing something for you…"

"Oh merciful Valar…" Legolas buried his face in his hands. "I knew that something like this was going to happen… he is going to try to be romantic… I just know it…"

"Well you have all evening to worry about that… just relax… basically all day today is gong to be you being pampered and prepared for tonight's ball… so just… try to relax."

"Alright… I… I'll try…"

However he did not try enough. Githil's hand maidens and Aragorn did infact try to get him and the twins ready for the ball. Bubble baths, massages, and soothing music, however didn't work and Legolas started at the slightest movements; and now, half an hour before the ball it was getting increasingly difficult to style his hair when he jerked this way and that looking around the room as if a Balrog were to jump out of the closet.

"Your highness…" The girl styling his hair that had introduced herself as Prithit seemed frustrated. "Why don't you have one of the chocolates king Frenit sent to you… that would help you relax…"

"Fine…" He reached out a shaky hand to the chocolates that were sitting to a side of the dresser and took one, biting into it. Immediately he knew they were drugged with a sedative, but whatever it was it was fast acting and the elf quickly relaxed letting out an elated giggle.

"That was yummy…" His thoughts clouded and his voice slurred.

The maidens looked at each other nervously as Aragorn and the twins looked concernedly at the intoxicated wood elf.

"Oh… look at that… isn't that a lovely hairstyle why… has anyone every told you that you should be a hand maiden?" Prithit had just finished French braiding the elf's hair and inlaying flowers in it and was looking concerned herself.

"Come along you're highness lets get you into that lovely gown Lord Elrond had made for you…"

"What… a gown… am I going somewhere…"

The twins stood up and Aragorn was making his way to his friend.

"Yes, your majesty you're going to a ball…"

"What… your majesty… I'm not a majesty… I'm Leg-"

Aragorn made a mad dive tackling the Elf to the ground and covering his mouth. "Leggy, you're leggy and have wonderful legs… yes we know now up you go and into you're dress…"

"Mmmfmmfphrmmmf…" The wood elf's eyes took on a dreamy look.

The Ranger helped his friend up who had begun giggling madly and swaying slightly, mumbling incoherent words to himself.

It took all of the girls to get Legolas into the dress because he seemed to be having trouble standing still and it took three people to hold him in place while the rest stuffed him in and tied its lace bodice and back.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you guys?" The Elf's voice was beginning to loose its high pitch and it quavered as if he'd had too much to drink. "Because I do… I really, really, really do…"

Elladan and Elrohir were already dressed and ready and supported Legolas on either side, half carrying him to the bed.

"Hey guys… Lookat' me..." He giggled madly and flopped onto his back inching along the comforter. "I am an inch worm… inch… inch…" He was interrupted as he began to giggle madly again.

"Milady…" Prithit tried. "I really, really think that you should lie down…

Legolas spoke up, this time in his normal voice. "I am not your lady… I can't be…"

"Why not…"

"I'm already Legolas… I can't be both…"

A series of delighted squeals went around through the girls as the Elladan banged his head against the wall, Elrohir massaged his temple, and Aragorn just nodded, annoyed, confirming it.

Immediately there was a rush as all six girls crowded around the bed. However, it was Trinil who managed to get there first and immediately launched herself onto his lap.

"Oh Leggy you must have gone undercover to protect the Queen… That's SO brave of you! You even ate one of the poisoned chocolates; you must have known that as soon as she saw one missing she wouldn't eat anymore so you sacrificed you're sanity for the night to save her life!" She cooed.

"What?" Aragorn looked horrified at the helpful if not oddly specific confession.

Prithit turned around. "Those…those chocolates… King Frenit… he… he told us…he said that he needed her sedated… and…"

Fwethia glared daggers at the younger girl who had obviously just blown their cover wide open. "Lock the doors, girls… they know too much… we have to kill them…"

The Elves and Aragorn took fighting positions while Legolas pushed Trinil off and went back to being an inchworm. No one moved save Legolas. And a tense silence fell upon the room… well… as tense as a silence can get with an intoxicated wood elf singing that he's an inchworm. Finally, it was broken when Legolas shot up and out the door with surprising speed running down toward the ball. Aragorn took off after him leaving the twins with the six females. Then, with a war cry to make history… the Elves dashed forward and the battle began.

Author's Note: Bwahahahahahah cliffie! But dern does it feel good to be posting… and this chapter is for G.A. Clive and Princess SammO (no formal dedication but it's for you) because without them I seriously doubt this story would have ever been continued. Also to KC: for giving me a piece of her ceiling.


	10. Things Get Worse

Author's Note: Aww I feel so loved over 50 reviews! Giggle squee yay… An all the positive responses to last chapter. Well I owe you guys this quick update. However I would like to give an extra special huggly shout out to Princess SammO who's been diligently reviewing and even drew me fanart… And I must say they are amazing! I adore them so go look at them now… THEN you can read the chapter… but look at them and tell her what you think… I adore them to no ends and I must say she captured their dresses perfectly. Way to go sammO!

http/ on with the story!

Things Get Worse

Elladan and Elrohir rushed forward in fighting stance and the girls rushed right back. It was three on one and surprisingly the girls were strong and in no time had the Elves pinned to a wall. Unfortunately, they didn't count on the twins being able to communicate mentally and thought they had won when they turned to each other and just looked not saying a word.

"_Well this sucks…"_ Elladan sighed mentally.

"_You think?" _Elrohir narrowed his eyes

"_What do we do now?" _

"_I do not know… you were the one that spent the day with them…"_

"_But it didn't help me all they did was talk about Leg- That's it! I have an idea... Just follow my lead…"_

"_Dan, the last time you had an idea we were grounded for three months until Ada's eyebrows grew back…" _

"_Well Ada's eyebrows were not pulling out a large knife now where they?" _

"_Oh dear… that dose not look like it is going to cut us cake…" _

"_Cut us cake? Where did that come from?" _

"_I can see a giant cake under the balcony…"_

"_Oh… I see it too… Ada never bakes **us** giant cakes…"_

"_Yes, we shall have to have a word with him… now back to the matter of true importance…"_

"_The knife?"_

"_No, Dan, they're pulling my hair…"_

"_Yours too?"_

"_I was being sarcastic…" _

"_Ah… So now their advancing on us… what should we do?"_

"_Umm…"_

"'_RO… I don't think this is a good time for you to be brain dead..." _

"_I'm thinking I'm thinking…"_

"_Well whatever you come up with it has to be well thought out, cunning, and subtle." _

THWACK

"That works too…" Elladan followed his twin's example pushing off of the ground with his feet and kicking the captor in front of him squarely in the stomach, causing the two holding him to let go and back away slowly.

"Get back to the wall if you want to live…" They turned their heads to see Prithit and Fwethia holding cross bows and Trinil passed them out from a chest at the foot of the bed.

"_Okay… we're dead again." _

"_Shut up, Dan." _

"Did you actually think you were going to escape? Two little princesses from Isrealastanburgia? Ha!"

Elrohir moved his hands to where his hair was tied.

_"Follow my lead."_

"_Whatever you say."_ His twin did the same.

"No… We think we are going to escape." They both let their hair fall and with his normal voice. "Two Elves from Rivendell!"

The girls looked blank but Orliwa broke the silence. "Wait… what's the difference?"

"We're Men too!"

"No way!"

"Yes Way! We definitely look like men!" Elladan made a face.

"Nu-uh!" The girl shot back. "You definitely look like a cupcake!"

"Why you little…"

"Not now, Dan…"

"Did you actually think you could win?" Prithit sneered.

"Until now, yes."

"Quiet… well you were wrong…"

Elrohir cocked his head. "When were we wrong before or now?"

"Before… I think… Now be quiet or we'll shoot! We're in charge here…"

Elladan mimicked his brother. "But I thought you said earlier that King Frenit told you to do something and you obviously did… doesn't that make him in charge?"

"Do you want to hear our evil plan or not!"

They answered together. "Sorry."

"Now… Where was I?"

"'Did you really think you could win?'"

"Thank you Trinil…"

She cleared her throat and continued looking 'menacing.'

"Did you really think you could win? You have King Frenit against you… he knows Githil can't give him the heir he wants… and chances are he knows that Leggy was pretending to be her… that surprise he's planning… It's sharp… literally… If Githil gets wiped out he has a reasonable reason to get another wife and produce said heir… however if he were to be found out that he was going against our beloved queen he wouldn't be king anymore…"

"But if you're queen's so beloved than why are going with Frenit?" Elrohir asked innocently.

"Because we want a change… She's been with us to long and we want something new…Something nicer… Now… if you don't mind… you know too much… you must die…"

And they fired.

Luckily for the Elves the handmaidens were lousy shots and the arrows landed harmlessly around them in the walls. The twins took this opportunity to make their escape. The door was locked, however, the doors to the balcony weren't and the two ran onto it balancing easily on its edge. The girls were right behind them brandishing short swords and knives so, seeing no other choice, the twins joined hands and jumped… aiming for the cake.

During all of this was happening Legolas and Aragorn were having problems of their own. The Elf had easily out run his human friend and was a good ways ahead. He sped around a corner down the stairs and into the main hall where he ran through the large oak door to the outside staircase and the gardens where the ball was being held.

The light music that echoed through the courtyard came to an abrupt halt as the Elf stumbled down the steps most unlady-like.

"Hey! Why'd ya stop… that was pretty…" He drawled, slurring his words. "But everything here is pretty, what'd I expect? An orc?" He giggled madly. "Anyway…I just wanted to say how… touched… I am… that you all elected me as prettiest fairy of the mushrooms…" He walked over to an elf lady holding a bouquet of flowers and took them. "For me?" He then adjusted his crown and staggered along waving to the crowed.

"Thank you, Thank you…. I love you too…"

"Err… Lady Githil, maybe you should be seated…" Glorifindel approached the wood elf cautiously.

"I told you people… 'm not You're Lady or You're Highness… and Githil is a stupid name… 'M just…"

"TIRED!" Aragorn yelled. He had just made it to the stairs as the Elf began his parade. "She's just tired…"

"Whatever you say bulky…" he dropped the flowers and turned to Glorifindel. "Where have you been? It seems like Mr. 'I'm a reincarnated Balrog Slayer' you'd think that when there's a big 'ol conspiracy going on you'd be called not little Greenleaf…" he hiccupped and stumbled over to where Erestor was standing wide eyed.

"And you! Lord Elrond sure could use some advising and I don't see you providing it… He seems stressed… that can't be good… but I can't imagine why he would be…"

"Lady Githil I really think that you should-"Elrond tried but was soon cut off.

"I'm not done with you, eyebrows! … You seem so eager beaver to get poor little Leggy out and into a corset… I still can't breathe by the way… and I don't see you doin' much to protect the queen… I mean come on, Ellie… You're gonna blow our cover or something…"

"Milady… sit down…" Aragorn had managed to get up behind the raving prince.

However the elf was once again to fast and before the Ranger knew what was happening he had world around and planted a big wet kiss right on his lips.

"There… happy… In case you din't know ladies and gents our bright little Estel here told the crazy loo loo's that are probably tryin' to kill me, that we're dating… isn't that rich… so… I figured… what the hay, I'll reinforce it." He stopped to giggle madly again. "Where was I? Oh yeah…" He bent down and picked up his now wilted flowers. "Thank you… thank you…"

No one in the crowed moved. No one spoke. Every single elf was too stunned to do anything. The only thing that broke the silence was Legolas' teary thanks and Aragorn spitting trying to get the taste of Wood Elf out of his mouth.

"Errm… I think some explanations are in order…" Elrond stood up. "You see-"

As Elrond began his rather uncomfortable story of what was going on, Legolas made his way over to the ice sculpture sitting by the cake. It looked yummy… So, he stuck his tongue out… reaching just barley… and licked it. Then went to move back over to Aragorn… however he was having some difficulties unsticking his tongue. On top of that… he heard something… is sounded a lot like screaming… and it was getting louder… fast… he looked up as best he could given his current position and saw a most peculiar sight.

Elladan and Elrohir falling quite fast… right smack dab in the middle of the seven layer chocolate cake.

The substance splattered everywhere but mostly on Legolas and the twins who were right by it… but on almost all of the party goers and on a very angry looking Lord Elrond. On the bright side, the force of impact was enough to shatter the ice sculpture and free the prince's tongue… however it had also alerted a hidden King Frenit that his chances for fulfilling his plan were running low.

He stepped out of the clearing holding a crossbow aimed straight for Legolas' heart. While Elladan pried his frosting covered face out of the cake bottom.

"Hello, Ada… did we miss the party?"

Author's Note: He He another cliff hanger… I'll do my best to get the next chapter up as soon as I can… I'm afraid dear readers that there will most likely only be one or two more… but fear not, for my brain is bursting with new idea's… anywho… I hope you enjoyed and as always feedback warmly welcomed.

Fiery Mango


	11. Of Kings, Queens, and Corsets

A/N: Hello, Hello again I'm back… But… for the last time… I understand that there are some issues with underlining in chapter 10 and I'm doing my best to fix them, however it's not working very well… --" So yeah… I will keep trying though… I would also like to inform you that this is the last chapter of Kings Queens and Corsets… But I'll discuss this more at the very end. So without further ado: The Finale

Of Kings, Queens, and Corsets

"No body move." King Frenit demanded. "For I am about to-"

Elrohir pried his face from the cake too. "We know already… your hand maidens told us…"

"They did… well drat the luck I was so looking forward to giving my evil speech… ah well… I'll simply have to kill the elf in front of you all instead…I bet that you didn't know that I knew that!"

"Nope… we did."

"Drat it! That is SO like you blasted elves… no wonder Githil… my wife not that one…"He gestured to where Legolas, who didn't seem to realize that there was a crossbow pointed at him, was trying to get the feeling back in his tongue. "Did not want to stay here… our land is right by Mirkwood and those blasted elves are always parading about like they own the place…"

"We 'oo own 'a pwace… I wouwd no… 'M a Miwwood pwinthe…"

"Really… well that makes killing you extra fun…" And with that he pulled the trigger.

The arrow flew true… sort of… you see right before the trigger was pulled, Glorifindel who realized that he had been over looked during this little thing decided not to take it anymore. So, he jumped on Frenit and brought him down jostling the arrow oh so slightly… however this oh so slightly was just enough to avert the arrow so it landed barley above the wood elf's heart, knocking him backward into Elladan and Elrohir and tipping the table over.

"Legolas!" Aragorn yelled, running past the Balrog slayer who had sufficiently wrestled the king and was sitting on top of him, pinning him down. The Ranger made it to his unconscious friend and lifted his head up out of the goo.

Frenit laughed the best he could with Glorifindel on top of him. "It's too bad… the stone in the arrow tip would be enough to counteract the poison from the chocolates… to bad he's dead…"

Elladan pulled himself up from the chocolate… or what looked like Elladan… then again it could have been an overly frosted giant cupcake.

"He is not dead! I think that he's just unconscious…" A light moan from the wood elf proved his point. "Yup! He's not dead!"

Leoglas' eyes fluttered open. "E-estel?"

"Shh… You're okay… I'll make sure nothing happens to you…"

"Estel… I'm fine… but… you're pulling my hair…"

"Oh… sorry…"

"My head hurts…" He turned his head to the side and saw the arrow protruding from his chest. "Well, that is new. When did that happen?"

"Just a few minutes ago… doesn't it hurt?"

"Not as much as normal…" He sat up. "Be a dear and pull it out for me."

"Erm… sure…" the ranger did as he was told and with a sickening CRACK it came out. Along with a good chunk of fabric, padding, and corset. Upon further examination the Ranger realized the arrow head had just barely gone in enough to cure the elf of his insanity, however due do the immense padding in it's way it hadn't done much damage and Legolas' Elven healing was already patching up the hole in his chest.

However, before they could celebrate a series of arrows whizzed by his head falling harmless to the cobblestones. Aragorn got up and helped Legolas to his feet so they could stand by the twins. Glorifindel was still on Frenit, however there were six handmaidens standing around him reloading crossbows.

Everyone was still, except Lord Elrond who carefully made his way over to his sons and Legolas before bending down and picking up a chunk of ice covered in cake. Then, with all his skill that he'd acquired over the years threw it above the handmaidens where it made contact with a hanging lantern before smashing into several pieces each clunking the girls on the head and knocking them out.

"Ada…"

"Yes, Elladan?"

"I love you."

"Of course you do."

However, Lord Elrond made a slight miscalculation for one of the ice chunks also struck Glorifindel squarely in the head, knocking the Balrog Slayer out. Frenit easily pushed his way out from under the Elf and to a loaded crossbow.

Now, pointing it at Lord Elrond he began another little speech. "Now there's no one left to stop me… if they do you're lord gets it… Bwahahahahahhahha-" He stopped abruptly and fell forward, an arrow protruding from his back.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." Queen Githil smiled, standing behind her dead husband. "So sorry about the mess Lord Elrond… my guard should be here soon I'll have them clean it up before we leave…"

No one said a word even Lord Elrond looked utterly confused.

Finally Legolas spoke up voicing everyone's feelings quiet eloquently.

"Huh?"

"Oh, Legolas, dear I'm so sorry about all that you have been put through however it was most helpful… you see I have known that my husband was trying to kill me for a very long time and until now I never had any chance to act on it. I really do love elves really… and your father is an excellent king always helping us out when we need it…"

"But my father never mentioned…"

"Oh most of the trade had to be kept secret… you see Frenit has been trying to over throw me for years. I do all the work… he flirts with the court dancers and servants and whatnot… and it's hard managing a country by yourself… well after a while Frenit caught on that he didn't have power… and he's been trying to kill me ever since…"

"You know that seems like a pretty flimsy excuse for this whole plot." Elrohir brushed himself off. "The Valar have a really sick sense of humor…"

Lord Elrond groaned and massaged his temple. "I call the ball officially cancelled… everyone back to you're homes…"

And with that a very annoyed and confused court of Elrond left.

Several hours later when everyone had been cleaned up and Githil made her apologies to the twins for running from them, and she had left with the body of Frenit and the handmaidens to go back to the Gladden Fields, Aragorn and Legolas found themselves sitting together outside watching as several Elves cleaned away the remnants of the cake.

"Well that was interesting…"

"Legolas, I do not think interesting was the right word for it… it was more like… torture…"

"Why do these things only happen to us?"

"Because we are unlucky?"

"We are beyond unlucky… we are downright cursed…"

….

"Hey Legolas…"

"Yes Estel?"

"Have you ever gotten the feeling that we're just some pawns to a higher power that controls are thoughts feeling and emotions for their own amusement and the amusement of countless others?"

"Oh do not be ridiculous…"

…

"Then again…. Nah…"

…

"You know, Legolas… You look pretty cute in a corset…"

"I am sorry Estel but I do not swing that way… at least not for you."

The Ranger laughed.

"I deserved that."

"Yes you did…"

"By the way… how's the baby doing…"

"Alright I deserved that to…"

"When are you due?"

"Shut up, Estel…"

"Can I feel it kick…"

"No but you can feel me do it…"

"Aww so touchy… must be the hormones…"

THWACK

"Ow… geez I take it back… you aren't cute in a corset…"

"Estel…"

"Yes Legolas?"

"If I ever hear you say the word corset again I swear to the Valar that I will tell Arwen that you said you were dating me."

"Yes. Legolas."

And the two of them laughed, happy, carefree, and safe from dresses.

And there you have it. This story has come to a close… but fear not good reader for I shall be back with more crazy adventures. Thank you all so much for being so wonderful and helping me get this done… I hope that whenever you hear someone claim that their an inch worm you'll think of this story… and whenever you're mother/father/guardian/yourself gives you a birthday cake… I hope two hot elves use it for a landing cushion. Thank you so much to everyone but especially the following people.

KayCee

G.A. Clive

Psalms 136

And Last but CERTAINLY not least

Princess SammO

Without you guys I highly doubt this story would have been finished. Thanks!

Once again thank you all… sniffle…

Love and Huggles

Fiery Mango


End file.
